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Blog

Sunday Worship: Costco

Danika Brysha

I'm not entirely certain when my obsession with that big, strong, warehouse of passion began but what I am sure of is that it is a mutual relationship that will most likely last forever... Or at least until my dad decides to stop paying my membership fees.   Regardless, Costco is something I can always count on.   Whether I need cheap liquor, a seasons worth of Tampax Pearl, or a new 72" flat screen that I will most definitely return after Super Bowl Sunday (or the new season of Toddlers and Tiaras), Costco always has whatever it is I need to fill an insatiable desire.  I definitely wouldn't be the woman I am today without it, that's for sure!

 
Ever since I was a child
Not too long ago
I’ve had a budding relationship
With a place called Costco
 
I got this passion from my father
For bulk items and great sales
He passed down his wisdom and knowledge
And his ingrown toenails
 
But I can forgive him for those
Because he’s so big and mature
While others learned to play T-ball
I was taught about Kirkland Signature
 
Whenever the time comes
And I need more toilet paper by the bunch
Eight new tubes of toothpaste
And three barrels of Captain Crunch…
 
I pick up my supersized cart
And flash my executive membership card
I am a master Costcoteer
For any beginner it'd be hard
 
Now, I first test out the speakers
The selection quite ample
I dance to the rhythms
Until I spot a free sample
 
Navigating the madness
Takes sharp skill and intention
I always start in the back corner
And shop the opposite direction
 
From the first bouncer to the check out
I feel so much joy I could cry
They swipe my AmEx and thank me
And I wave to the optometry guy
 
With a smile and name badge
They check my receipt at the door
I start heading to my car
But I get caught up in the lure...
 
Of the infamous food court
With frozen yogurt piled high
Huge slices of pizza
And hot dogs as large as my thigh
 
What a wonderful afternoon
At a place I hold in such high regard 
If Costco was a man, I would date him
I’d bring my milkshake to his yard
 
AMEN.