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Blog

Sunday Worship- Spanx

Danika Brysha

At some point in the last couple years I graduated from one pair of nude colored, shorts-style Spanx to having a drawer of them fuller than the one holding my padded bras and sorority T-shirts.  Some people go to a therapist to keep themselves in order and feel their best... I wear Spanx.  Please join me in saying a hymn for one of the saints in my life...

Dear Spanx:

I can't thank you enough
Without you I'd be a mess
I'm reminded of your beauty
In my bodycon dress 
 
I would do anything for your love
Like a fraternity pledger
People are starting to catch on
Like Lululemon and Herve Leger 
 
But no one can replace you
How you look at me is so cute
And I love those little hot pockets
You leave loosely for my glutes
 
Celebs even love you
Think of all those hot bodies you wrap
Like Kim, Eva, and Beyonce
And that girl from Parent Trap
 
My days can be challenging
But you make life so worth living
I can binge eat Chipotle
And you're still so forgiving
 
So I stayed home from the gym
Eating Doritos on the couch
But you didn't hold it against me
And still smoothed my belly pouch
 
When I last checked your site
I just couldn't believe it
You now make Spanx for Men!
I'm sure he really needs it
 
 
You suck everything in tightly
And make a perfect package out of me
Like those genius Vacuum Bags
I always see on QVC
 
When I have to look sexy,
You're somebody I can rely on
It's the most love I've ever felt
For a blend of Lycra and Nylon
 
So here in conclusion
From my perfectly shaped thigh
Keep up all the hard work
You're a hell of a guy!
 
Amen.